The Hierarchy of Hate - Week #6
Welcome back to the Hierarchy of Hate where some of us write with a heavy heart today as we wear black in honor of our Noles flopping miserably once again on the road against an ACC opponent in primetime. Ironically, even though the Seminoles apparently left at halftime, I missed most of the game thanks to the wonderful folks at La Guardia and United (and, to be fair, mother nature). Thankfully I was able to walk in right as Wake Forest pulled ahead. Excellent.
Not sure what this means for the Noles going forward. Every time I am convinced they have turned a corner, they trip over a homeless person and skin their knees.
Next week will be the first road trip in the history of the profootballblogger – an RV road trip no less as I join a caravan of Winnebago bound bachelor-partiers from Orlando to Tallahassee for a battle to see which team from the state of Florida can be the first to 3 losses on the season.
Fittingly our first match-up may give me a new Sunshine-based team to cheer on.
Apologize (again…) for the delay. I got caught up in the emotional victory by the Midshipmen over the mighty Pitt Panthers. What a game, I hope they show it on ESPN classic for years to come. And then to follow-up with another emotional victory of the Deacons (favorite mascot territory) over the Seminoles. I’m sorry to Super Dave for his 2nd loss; that BCS title game seems to be a little far fetched now. Hello Shreveport!
College
Central Florida @ South Florida
SD: South Florida has become the chic team to cheer on, with their being the only Florida team still undefeated (or even with less than 2 losses) and in the top ten. If it weren’t for the Rockies 3 wins from the World Series “South Florida Bulls” and “Top Ten” would be the most ridiculous phrase of October 2007. While in reality, pretty much everyone who doesn’t go to school in Orlando thinks USF will win this game, that isn’t what we play here. So I am actually going to cheer for UCF in this one for the simple reason that I am still a little confused why the University of South Florida is located in Tampa. I don’t know if you have checked a map lately but there is quite a bit of Florida further south than Tampa. How does this make Naples, Sarasota, Palm Beach, Miami or Key West (you know, ‘Southern Most Point’) feel? Are they too far south? Do they just not count? At least Orlando is centrally located (which quite frankly, is the most positive spin I can put on Orlando’s location). So go Knights. Teach the Bulls a thing or two about heading south.
Turner: UCF vs. USF — Simple battle of directions. Central vs. South. Central everything is just so boring. Let’s Compare: Central Park vs. South Park. Central America (Hurricanes and mudslides) vs. South America (Rio and Crack!!!!)… the list would never stop. The part though that does annoy me is why isn’t USF somewhere actual a bit more southern than UCF? I understand it is BARELY but shouldn’t it be in Naples, Miami, or Key West? Somewhere really south of central? That is dumb. But I will stick with South Park – Go Bull, Stay Undefeated and destroy the home of Daunte Culpepper, the guy who scored 30 on my high school basketball team while I sat on the bench my junior year of high school in Ocala. Damn Vanguard H.S.
Rutgers @ Syracuse
SD: New Jersey versus New York. The Orange versus the Scarlet Knights. Lake Ontario versus the Raritan River. I will actually forgive the Orange for wearing the ugliest uniforms in the history of college football (not from Oregon) against Washington and cheer for them. I mean, come on. Six months later people are still talking about the Sopranos finale. Hasn’t New Jersey had enough pub over the last year? Go Orange.
Turner: Rutgers vs. Syracuse – Who would you pick if you were color blind? Simple logic appears here, which color is more fierce, Scarlet or Orange? Scarlet is close to blood color which could be intimidating while Orange has nothing intimidating about it especially when coupled with a mascot that looks goofy. Go Knights
BYU @ UNLV
SD: This is becoming a tradition for us, as I believe this was one of the picks made last year during the trial run of the THH. This game isn’t about geography or even the co-eds. No, this is all comes down to one’s fundamental view of the world: are you saint or a sinner? Well, let’s just say that I would rather spend the evening with friendly blackjack dealers than Ted Haggard (who really isn’t gay despite snorting coke off a male hooker and was able to rid himself of this sickness quicker than many people get over the flu) and my Sunday morning ritual consists of the sports section and a nice cup of coffee. Yes, I know I am going to hell, but so are most of the more interesting people around. Go Rebs.
Turner: BYU vs. UNLV – Our Father, please watch over those dirtbag sinners as they can not help themselves. Please ensure they are righteous and find their way to give the life that John Smith and Brigham Young laid the foundation for. Please let Turner pick us and allow the golden tablets to be revealed.NFL
Bengals @ Chiefs
SD: This all comes down to the food. While, the concept of chili being poured over pasta and then being topped with cheese and onions is Nobel Prize worthy, the stuff they call chili in Cincinnati is just wrong. It has chocolate in it, ferchrissakes! Kansas City has wonderful, glorious barbeque. While I am typically more partial to southern BBQ – sweet Carolina sauce or Memphis style sandwiches – the fact that Kansas City has given us something called Burnt Ends (which surprisingly wasn’t the main discussion of a brunch scene on Sex in the City) makes it tough to beat. This is no contest – go Chiefs. And I didn’t even have to resort to mentioning Brodie Croyle’s wife.
Turner: Kelli Croyle vs. Shaelyn Palmer. GO CHIEFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you know that Carson’s wife was a goalkeeper at USC vs. Brodie’s wife being Miss Jr. Mississippi. NO BRAINER.
Raiders @ Chargers
SD: NorCal versus SoCal. This is hard, as I pretty much loathe both of these teams. I will ignore the teams on the field and concentrate on other notables to emerge from the two cities, specifically musicians. Representing O-town will be MC Hammer, a man who inexplicably took over the world for a year back in the early nineties – not just making harmless, lame-o rap popular but also silk pants with the crotch between the knees. That is quite a legacy. Blink-182, representing San Diego, gave us years of quality bubble-gum punk, one of the best album names ever (Enema of the State), the last remotely watch-able show on MTV (Meet the Barkers) and one of the better videos made since MTV quit showing videos (All The Small Things). Go Chargers. Ugh.
Turner: I went to a game in S.D. one time and it was 60% Raider fans, even for a rivalry game. That annoyed me with those lazy San Diego folks. However, the fact that it was Oakland, then L.A., then Oakland again allows no credibility. That is poor. Could the Colts have gone back to Baltimore? No – traitors. But I do love the difference in fan bases in the bay area. The Wine and Cheese Crowd for the Niners vs. the Black Hole. That loyalty to traitors is respectable. But the real decider here on the THH is the old starting quarterback for the Raiders – the GREAT Josh McCown, yes the one that played 1 season at SMU and then left because he might not get the playing time. WOW. That sucks. While he isn’t the greatest, how could he not start at SMU? I’m sympathetic because if he had gotten the experience on the hill in Dallas, he would be the next Manning. Go Raiders, support the broken foot
Texans @ Jaguars
SD: So, when I forwarded this one to Turner I included a note (“there is a not-so-obvious link between these two that I will be using as my deciding factor”), so you get to see his guess at what the answer to that riddle is. Well, as Exhibit A that I have spent too many hours reading SportsGuy, the first thing I thought of when I saw this match-up was that these cities both recently hosted Super Bowls (won by the Patriots while the cities were mocked mercilessly by Simmons). So, in honor I will use those two games to decide this game. I am rooting for the Texans, strictly because Super Bowl XXXVIII was one of the better Super Bowls recently, with the upstart Panthers taking the Patriots to the wire before Vinatieri kicked the winning field goal as time expired. Oh, do I need to mention we got to see a Jackson nipple as well (and thankfully, it wasn’t Michael’s)? The Eagles failing in the clutch of Super Bowl XXXIX can’t touch that.
Turner: Huh, interesting match-up of two cities where I have spent considerable time: Houston for 2 years of work and Jacksonville where I visit at least once a quarter. This is greatness. The city of concrete, god-forsaken humidity, 2nd languages, and billboards vs. the city where the main interstate runs through it and takes a 90 degree turn right in the middle of town. What poor city planning. But we are going to city origins… Sam Houston vs. Andrew Jackson (city name foundation). “When Andrew Jackson called on volunteers to dislodge a group of Red Sticks (Creek Indians) from their breastworks (fortifications), Houston volunteered, but during the assault was struck by a bullet in the shoulder and arm.
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