The Hard Knocks Effect

This must be what middle age does to you.

Sure, I have not yet technically hit middle age quite yet but I have noticed some changes. Maybe not changes quite as obvious as the annoying hair like that last ‘change’ about twenty years ago but there are changes nonetheless.

The first hint was when I found myself on occasion rooting for a Steve Spurrier coached team.

I know – it scares me too.

Just a decade ago, literally my entire week could be made by a Spurrier visor being ripped off his head and thrown to the turf. There was nothing I loathed more in this world than Spurrier (well, almost nothing. Ever smell someone throw up? Yeech).

Even five years ago, when he joined me in D.C. as the coach of the Redskins and the Super Bowl hype went through the roof, I enjoyed nothing more than watch his pathetic press conferences as the never-ending arrogance was slowly chipped off him like the funk in that disturbing Axe body wash commercial.

But now that he has left the Swamp and Fed Ex Field behind and become the relatively harmless coach of the Gamecocks, I have come to enjoy his antics and his taunting.

If this is maturity…I don’t like it.

So now that I wear my visor in concert with Spurrier (occasionally), I have noticed another equally frightening development over the last week. I…. (gulp)…(deep breaths)…almost like the Cowboys.

Damn you HBO.

For those of you not willing to pay HBO’s extortionate rates, the Cowboys are the subjects of this year’s Hard Knocks, HBO’s sort-of annual behind the scenes look at one NFL team’s training camp. Last year we were subjected to Herm Edwards’ endless stadium step running and his underachieving, uninteresting Kansas City Chiefs. Given the Chiefs are the fierce rival of my boys in blue and orange it was never a concern I would find myself cheering for them. In fact, a full year later, still the only redeeming quality of my hours of Hard Knocks viewing was my introduction to Mrs. Brody Croyle. When Brody is inevitably waived and his NFL career ends, I will be here to console her.

But this year is different. While I have always hated the Cowboys and reveled in their annual playoff failures, I have found myself enjoying the series and have come to start to like some of the players, even T.O.. Yes, the scourge of the Forty-Niners, Eagles and Skip Bayless comes across almost exactly like you would almost never expect – relaxed, having fun and coming across as a good guy. His stuffing of Jerry Jones’ grandson in a bucket of ice water was one of the best moments on TV not involving Michael Phelps in the last month.  

NOTE: Did you ever think we would see a summer in which the two greatest sporting moments would be a tennis match and a swimming relay race? I don’t even know what to think about this. But I have to admit, I am a little frightened.

All of this begs the question – if even I can feel a small ember of warmth in the cold of my heart for the Cowboys, why don’t more teams give fans a behind-the-scenes look at the team, so we start to realize that these guys (despite all outward appearances) are human?

Brian Billick was a genius at this. As the participant in the initial Hard Knocks after the Ravens Super Bowl win in 2001 and then allowing John Feinstein unlimited access for the book Next Man Up during the 2004 season, Billick seems to have realized long ago that being open and honest with the media and your fans goes a lot further then being secretive and paranoid.

It could probably even be argued that Billick’s persona kept him in the job of Ravens coach for a season or two longer than he would have if he viewed the NFL on par with national secrets like some of his coaching brethren.

It is a simple fact that it is much easier to complain about and disagree with faceless football uniforms or maniacal coaches on the sideline than someone you feel like you know personally.

Look at the rise of the internet. It is a lot easier to be mean, rude and insulting from the safety of your keyboard – not that I know anything about that. In a face-to-face conversation a lot of those inept, incompetent and insulting comments posted on the internet would probably never see the light of day.

I am as critical on Mike Shanahan as anyone and much of that can be traced directly to his secrecy and his seeming belief that he knows better than anyone else all of the time. A little transparency and openness might make his decisions a little easier to understand.

Unless he keeps reading playbooks while on vacation. That is just sad.

Just reading the book mentioned the other day – A Few Seconds of Panic – provides more understanding of Shanahan and the decisions he makes than anything else we as fans ever get to see. I still may not agree with some of his decisions but I have a better understanding of how he arrived at them.

Isn’t that all we ask for as fans?

So while I still may think that Wade Phillips and Tony Romo will never lead the Cowboys to a Super Bowl title, I can at least understand why this team improved drastically under Phillips last year and I can understand why despite his public antics, T.O. is one of the best receivers in the game.

And to answer the un-asked question:

Yes, I think Bill Belichick would still be a total jerk if New England participated on Hard Knocks.

Prima Donna Disease

We can finally breathe again; our great national crisis has been narrowly avoided. 

No, not the Favre hostage situation, currently being reported breathlessly by Greta Van Susteren as the countdown clock in the corner of Fox News shows it reaching the 144^th hour since the communist sympathizers in Wisconsin asked Captain America to actually live up to at least some of the words coming out of his mouth. I’m talking about the other national (football league) crisis this spring.

It appears that the Chad Johnson saga has been resolved peacefully and we won’t be subjected to hourly reports from Sal Paolantonio live in Chad’s driveway while Chad does sit-ups and curls in the background.

Thankfully, despite grumbling to the media for months on end about his unhappiness with his bosses in Cincinnati, Chad showed up to all required mini-camps (making him at least a professional, if still a showboating whiner), before deciding he needed to get surgery that was recommended for him months ago.

It is pretty much globally agreed that wide receivers are prima donnas. The number of incidents of first grader-like tantrums by receivers is well documented. So I guess the only question at this point is, why do wide receivers seem more prone to acting out than other positions?

It doesn’t seem to make sense that wide receivers would be any more spotlight desperate than other glory positions like quarterback and running back, yet they are. Why?

Well, what separates wide receivers from these other positions?

Wide Receiver vs. Running Back

Let’s start with the average yardage for each position. The best running backs average around 5 yards per carry. Wide receivers can average 15 yards per catch. That is over a first down every time they touch the ball. Going back to our publicity-shy friend Ocho Cinco; in 2007, generally considered an off-year for him, he averaged 15.5 yards per reception. A.P. (I refuse to call Adrian Peterson A.D.), the leading rusher in the NFL averaged 5.6 yards per carry. He would need to touch the ball 3 times to equal the yardage of a single average pass to Chad Johnson (unless he is playing the Chargers, apparently). You don’t think gaining 15 yards per play strokes the ego?

Think about also where those yards are gained. A wide receiver is out on the edge of the play or down the field in open space, allowing everyone to see him and appreciate his greatness (as far as he is concerned). A running back spends half of their carries running right up the middle into a line filled with people much bigger than he is (unless his name is LenDale White). There is very little glory in gaining three yards up the middle. It takes a special sort of humility and/or perseverance to willingly throw yourself into a bunch of monster sized men 20 -25 times per game with the hope of popping maybe one or two for long gains (unless you are playing the 2007 Broncos, then you can count on several long gains). Many wide receivers probably played running back when they were younger but at some point moved outside, most likely because they couldn’t take the physical/mental beating inside.

Wide Receiver vs. Quarterback

The quintessential showboat position, the guy who gets the hot tub full of mediocre Juco girls and the trip to Disney Land after winning the Super Bowl.

Note: I still hold a grudge that Eli was named Super Bowl MVP this past year. If you think I was cruel to Mitch Kramer last year wait until this season!

Yes, it would seem that it would be impossible that a wide receiver could be more of a prima donna than the position that gave us Broadway Joe, Big Ben, Joe Montana’s masturbation skit on SNL and Paris’ Toxic Slurry, but every time Ocho Cinco or T.O. open their mouths they prove it again.

The interesting thing is that any wide receiver that wasn’t a running back growing up was probably a quarterback. The general philosophy in junior football is to make your best athlete your quarterback – given you want him to touch the ball as often as possible. What separates quarterbacks and wide receivers as they progress in football isn’t athletic ability it is commitment and maturity. Quarterbacks not only need to be the unquestioned leader of the team but they also need to be the one who studies the most, knows the most and holds the responsibility for the most. Any showboating wide receiver is probably not interested in studying film and the playbook twice as long as the rest of the team, knowing every position and being the team leader. If you are as self-focused as most of the wide receivers in the NFL there is just too much sacrifice to be a quarterback.

Quarterbacks also often have to take the responsibility for a loss, something thin-skinned receivers could never do. Other than Peyton Manning who has never personally been responsible for a loss (that damn offensive line), when an offense sputters, there is often one person that gets the majority of the blame (see, Grossman, Rex). A receiver on the other hand can always project all of the problems back to the quarterback as well: the pass was late, low, high, behind him or worse the quarterback wasn’t getting the ball to the receiver enough.

The final key reason that receivers are so whiny is also the same thing that makes them great: confidence. A receiver has to be willing to go across the middle and potentially get be-headed by linebackers or safeties. If they drop a pass they need to shake it off and be absolutely sure they will catch the next one. They need to go toe-to-toe with cornerbacks every play; guys, who have the egos and mouths of wide receivers but combine them with the hands of a guard.

Next time a wide receiver mouths off, remember that the belief in his own abilities is also what will get your team that first down on third and long.

It is a fine line between self-confidence and supreme arrogance.