Olympic Ring-around-the-Rosies

We are back this week with another roundtable where we bring 4 different viewpoints together and discuss some random topic and I get to tell the others why they are wrong.

Our topics today?

What is your favorite Olympic sport? What is your least favorite?

I know the Olympics are still a few weeks away but with football starting (and some vacation coming for me – woo hoo!), we are having our own opening ceremonies right here.

So, folks, take it away, Ladies First:

Mrs. S.D: I think my least favorite doesn’t even truly qualify as a sport, or maybe I don’t consider it one. Rock, Paper, Scissors…. seriously??! That’s a sport now?? As much as poker is a sport. Stop showing it on ESPN!! You’re wasting my treadmill time. 

While it isn’t officially recognized during the Olympics, someone decided it would be a good idea to hold the world championships of Rock, Paper, Scissors in China there by piggy-backing on the oldest and most sacred of competitive games. World championships! That means there had to be not only are national and state qualifiers, but probably regional ones as well, like Dodge Ball!  Go balls deep! 

I find it insulting that not only did someone decide that throwing hand signals is anything beyond what you do to determine designated driver or change the cat’s litter box, but that it somehow qualifies as SPORT.  If I’m a sprinter or swimmer or any other athlete that has to train and push themselves to the physical brink just to try to qualify to be and beat the best in the world, I’m a little pissed off.  Heck I’m pissed off now and I can’t run more than 3 miles at a time.Giving it a cute name like Ro Sham Bo does not help it’s case. 

If people don’t consider cheerleading a sport with all it’s coordination, strength and endurance (yes I’m defending a sisterhood here), then there’s absolutely no way anyone can count R-S-P as one either. 

So that’s my least favorite, and for my fave I’ll admit that yes, I’m a total cliche, but it is still gymnastics.  I am a girl after all; one who remembers and idolized Mary lou Retton and went back to the school library week after week trying to check out the book on Nadia Comaneci. Yes I’m aware any points I scored with you for being a free-thinking (and I like to think moderately knowledgable) chic who likes sports just went out the window, but that’s the risk I’m willing to take to own up to what I consider the most captivating competition.  You have the traditional good girl-bad girl dynamic Carly Patterson (or any of the U.S. women really) vs. Svetlana Khorkina; pure drama!  And not the made up kind like on Gossip Girl.  The old fashioned cold war kind.  Love it.

All the flips on the mat, and the grips on the uneven bars, or the landings off the vault….love them all!!!  Go Team U.S.A. Beat those commie tarts!

[S.D.’s Take: So the Missus went off the reservation a little here but if Turner can hype up the ArenaBowl last time, then the Missus is free to take on the ‘ArenaBowl of Olympic sports’. Although as a former professional Ro-Sham-bo’er I am a little hurt by her lack of appreciation for the intricacies of the skill. Poker is actually a very good comparison, as Ro-Sham-Bo’ers must always remember to play their opponent, not their hand. Plus the opportunity to act out the Sylvester Stallone’s classic Over-The-Top can’t be understated. I also know that gymnastics is one of the marquee events of the Olympics and will be shoved down our throats by NBC with nightly primetime broadcasts but I just don’t get into it. I personally think that sports should be decided by athletes – not judges. But as a former cheerleader, clearly the Missus is fine with Paula Adbul deciding whether she is a winner or ‘first loser’.]

Jules: Let me start by saying I love the Olympics!  Growing up in B.F. Iowa, the Olympics were a major event that broke up the monotony that was my childhood.  There was no sport I wouldn’t watch.  But as a result I have lots of biases.  I admit I tend to like the female oriented glamour sports of the Olympics like women’s gymnastics and figure skating.  Beyond that though I love it when the Olympics focuses on athletes who bust their ass for years with no glamour, no money, no groupies, no Wheaties just to be great at what they love to do.  My choices of fave/least fave might not necessarily reflect this bias but that is why I will be raising a glass of Tsingtao in tribute whenever an “Up Close and Personal” segment appears.  Rest in peace, Jim McKay, you will be missed!

Favorite Olympics – Winter

Least Favorite Olympics – Summer

And I liked it better when they were in the same year so you could totally embrace your Olympic spirit for one full year. 

Favorite Summer Olympic Sports

3) Table Tennis – has to be in my top 3. China is favored to sweep the gold here and I wouldn’t live in beautiful Colorado without my Table Tennis background.  Did I mention I recently found old Hawkeye Table Tennis BF on LinkedIn?  Gotta love technology.

2) Synchronized Swimming – some might mock this sport.  I understand.  But seriously how do those girls stay so sparklicious in the water?!?  And I love an Olympic sport where the biggest drug concern is cyanide laced lip gloss!

1) Swimming – OK this one I actually really love for the right reasons.  Those poor American swimmers nearly died in a tornado in Omaha at the trials – and what could be worse than dying in Nebraska. Oh wait – living in Nebraska (ba-dum-cha)! Beyond that these are amazing athletes with minimal fame or groupies unless you are Michael Phelps.  And who doesn’t love the sight of a swimmer fresh out of the pool, glistening in the Beijing sun and smog!  Particularly partial to the butterfly strokers – have you ever tried that?  Seriously thought I was going to die!  Props to my sister for her brief competitive butterfly career before she decided it was better to drink beer. 

Least Favorite (or is it Most Hated?) Summer Olympic Sports

3) Archery – 2 reasons.  First in my one archery experience I got a piece of feather stuck in my finger and it hurt.  Secondly Gina Davis – you have got to be kidding me!  I’ll take a good game of bar darts instead.

2) Tennis – Admittedly a ‘real’ sport unlike some of the other easier choices to mock (if anyone else picks rhythmic gymnastics or trampoline I will be so disappointed!) but how is Olympic tennis any different than all the other tennis events – same people, same rivalries….yawn.  It is full of hot athletes which I totally respect but wouldn’t the tennis fans rather watch a more famed tennis event like the US Open held in NYC aka the center of the Jules universe?

1) Steeplechase – I know my bias indicates I should like this sport but this one just annoys me.  Why would you want to be involved in a sport that required you to jump in a puddle of water and ruin your shoes?  And then they attempt to penalize the one smart guy, favorite Ezekiel Kemboi from Kenya for avoiding the puddles. And this year we’ve finally added women’s steeplechase.  Did my fellow females campaign for this?  Seriously?!?  Let the record reflect that when I go on my walk tomorrow morning I will be steering my cute purple and teal Nikes around all of the puddles I see!  

[S.D. – Let’s start with that last sentence? Come on. It has been 95 degrees in Denver for the last month. The only puddles on the sidewalks were left by that Golden Retriever further up the road. I don’t know where to begin with putting synchronized swimming on favorite sports and a track event on least favorite. While the steeplechase does appear a bit contrived, Jules clearly has never run through the woods in which a tree has fallen across the trail and a small stream must be navigated and it can’t be underestimated how nice that little splash down feels on a blazing hot day on the track. I am good with swimming but anyone who legitimately watches and enjoys synchronized swimming? Well, I am suddenly feeling better about my habit of watching old football games that I know the ending of.] 

Turner:  First off, I find it very cheesy that they are starting the Olympics on 08-08-08.  I’m very confused though because I’m sure they did that for a reason but is it really 08-08-08 everywhere or will it be 08-09-08 in China but they made it 08-08-08 in the US?  If they did that so we could have a cool start date, then that is greatness.  Build everything around the US of A.  Go Red, White and Blue!

Let’s start with the easiest one, and one of them that is the least covered.  Team Handball.  If you haven’t seen this sport, it is greatness.  Water Polo on Land, flying through the air, zinging the ball at 80 mph.  If you haven’t seen or watched it, it is quite exciting and I’m quite positive tickets are still available for every match.  I remember being one of about 3 people in the stands at the US Olympic Festival in 1988 watching this great sport.  Luckily the greatness of the internet will allow me to watch every match of this years tournament, the only downside is that the US team is so bad, they are trying to get into the games by 2040.  The best part here is that Denmark is favored to win, love the Danish Dominance.

Turner’s Top 3:

1 - Team Handball

2 - Trampoline – you have to check this out.  Fascinating and the one sport that I think you are most likely to die at (unless you get drunk during archery / pistols)

3 - 50 Meter Freestyle Swimming – love things that only take 20+ seconds, allows me to hold my attention.   Very sad we won’t have Gary Hall Jr. though.

Table Tennis – LOVE it and the only time in 4 years we get to watch it.

 Now to least favorite:

This is tough because least favorite Olympic sport is one of my favorite overall sports.  Tennis.  I HATE the fact that we had to make an Olympic sport out of something that could just be held at the beach of Key Biscayne during an average week.  Calling this an Olympic sport is just dumb.  Roger Federer / Rafael Nadal, they can play each other every week if they wanted to.  This shouldn’t be something that needs to have people come together every 4 years to determine who is the best.  We can wait for the Legg Mason classic in Washington D.C. a week later to figure that out.

Most of my other hatred of Olympic sports really comes not from the actual hatred but the over commercialization / televising of it.  At least now with the internet and 500 cable channels, we have options but I can only watch Track / Field, Gymnastics, Swimming and Diving for so long before I get bored.  Show me some variety, I sure wish ESPN was covering, I’d be guaranteed to see my Team Handball at 2 am.

Turner’s Olympic Predictions:  Phelps will NOT win 7 gold medals.  He will only win 5 golds and 2 silvers.  Ian Crocker will beat him in the 100 Butterfly and the US won’t win the relay.

[S.D.’s Take: I can’t disagree with Team Handball. As a youngster with an Olympic obsession and a realistic understanding of my athletic limitations, I always said that I wanted to join Team Handball, since no other Americans play, I figured I would be a shoe-in. Little did I know you need to be like six-feet five-inches tall and eastern European. Although I can not condone Trampoline and how does 50-meter swimming get the nod and no love for the track?  Shame on Turner.

Turner, much like most of the most beautiful co-eds at Florida State, apparently doesn’t realize the greatness of track and field.(NOTE: This is the first time that ‘Turner’ and ‘beautiful co-eds from Florida State’ have been used in the same sentence without “is a borderline stalker of”, “could never have” or “joined Mile High Club solo, thinking of” separating them).

I also agree with Tennis. I want my Olympics to be full of real Olympic sports. Well, real Olympic sports and women’s beach volleyball.]

SD: I wish I could come up with some obscure sport that no one cars about but this is too easy. As you may have guessed, my favorite event is in track and field. Yes, for me the Olympics begin and end with the 100 meter dash. I mean how can you really care more about sports in which young girls robbed of their childhood are arbitrarily rated by a bunch of eastern Europeans? Or an NBA All-Star team getting schooled by a whole team of Manu Ginobilis? Or guys in tights hugging each other and trying to get the other one on the floor? Or a bunch of freaks using new suits to swim faster than anyone ever has? And don’t get me started on Dara Torres. Sometimes the word ‘unbelievable’ should be used literally and pessimistically.

No the beauty of the 100 yard dash is its simplicity. There is no strategy it is just run…as fast as possible…for as long as you can. That’s it. It is something we can all relate to. We have all been trying to figure who is the fastest in the neighborhood since we learned to run. At least at my elementary school, the most important event of field day was the dash. Speed was and always will be king.

Sure I am a little biased as I used to know Linford Christie (100-meter Olympic Gold Medalist 1992) – one of my favorite personal name dropping stories – and have my boy Walter Dix (the man who almost single-handedly has provided every great moment in FSU sports in the last 3 years) competing this year. But there is nothing better than the 30-seconds just prior to the race and the 10 seconds of the race.

On the flip side is Rhythmic Gymnastics and Synchronized Swimming. These ridiculous wastes of time are everything that the 100 is not. They are decided by a bunch of people in a way that no one can understand. Subjective? Who knows? Recognizing subjectivity would require understanding how these sports are scored.

Raise your hand if you have ever gone out in the backyard with your friends to see who can twirl their ribbon the best? Or the last time you were at the pool, you and your girlfriends got together and tried to spin together perfectly while treading water?

NOTE: if you just raised your hand. Put it down. Now. Look around. Make sure no one saw you and quietly slap yourself a couple times.

While the winner of the 100-yard dash is quite simply ‘The fastest man/woman in the world’ what could you call the winner of Rhythmic Gymnastics? ‘The best ribbon twirler in the world’? That isn’t quite impressive. What about the winners of synchronized swimming (and don’t get me started on individual synchronized swimming)? ‘The most synchronized water dancers in the world’?

Thankfully, NBC is smart enough to realize there are about 4 people that care about these sports – who are often too busy at Michael’s to watch sports – and have hopefully banished any coverage to some mid-morning, mid-week slot on the Bravo network.

gymnastics Olympics swimming synchronized swimming team handball track and field

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