Clearly, the prosecutors and defense attorneys are big fans of this site and are well aware of my reputation for unbiased analysis.

While, you may be thinking that this new gig is quite glamorous, let me explain what a criminal trial is like. Basically, it is the longest, most repetitive episode of Law & Order you have ever seen.

Anyway, in the spirit of my new daily work, I have decided to play judge and jury to the football world.

• I will not be talking about college football this week. I just can’t bring myself to talk about the Noles, right now. It is just too painful to be right back in the same position we have the last couple years.

o      On one bright note, congrats to FAMU – not only do they host College GameDay in the morning but then they go out and dominate Hampton later. Way to go Rattlers.

Back to the NFL:

• At this point, I think it is pretty clear that the Super Bowl this year is going retro. The winner is going to rely on a strong running game and a defense – it is like Bill Walsh’s revolution never happened. With the two strongest passing offenses of the past decade (Colts and Patriots) on a decline, teams like the Titans and Giants are stepping up and controlling each conference. Neither of these teams look like dominating teams (not like those 50-point Patriot games of ‘07), but continue to roll along doing enough to win.
• For the Giants, I don’t think this past Sunday’s win over the Ravens can be underestimated. The Ravens were the best running defense in the NFL, yet the Giants had over 200 yards rushing – 50 more yards than they got passing. The Giants defense helped with a touchdown of their own and they won by 20 points.
• Each week whether the Titans play an AFC or NFC opponent, home or away, everyone believes it is the week they will lose. Yet, not only do they win, they end up winning by more and more each week. With Kerry Collins at quarterback, they aren’t lighting up the scoreboard yet their two headed running back systems and their defenses has kept their record perfect. Sounds a little like the Giants huh? Except that the Giants has three running backs, yet, have one loss? I guess we now know, that two heads are better than one AND three.

o      By the way, I am thoroughly enjoying this whole ‘Earth, Wind and Fire’ nickname thing for the Giant running backs. Back in high school, there were four best friend cheerleaders (that we liked to surmise were more than best friends, if you know what I mean – and I think you do). One had brown hair, one had red hair, one extremely light blond and one more conventional blond. Needless to say, we named them ‘Earth, Wind, Fire and Ice’. Shockingly, none of them looked much like Brandon Jacobs.

• Your eye tells you that these teams aren’t strong enough to make it through the playoffs but then you have to wonder – who could beat them?
• One team that I think could beat the Titans, might be the Colts. With Manning getting healthier and Addai starting to come on (for which my fantasy team is extremely grateful), the Colts might be balanced enough to knock off the Titans. If they even make the playoffs, of course.
• One team getting much love (always remember N+F=MO or New York + Favre = Media Orgasm) is the Jets. After their win in Foxborough last week, they are now everyone’s favorite to win the AFC East. And why have they come on? Because Thomas Jones has come on. But don’t forget this is a team that lost to the Raiders just a few weeks ago. That is the best team in the AFC?
• By the way, for those of you wondering why I don’t talk about my fantasy team much, you should know I have already pimped 3 members of Mrs. Croyle’s Lover in this column alone. You think it is a coincidence I have gone 5-2 over the last seven weeks, while at the same time, the Giants (Brandon Jacobs), the Jets (Thomas Jones) and Colts (Addai) all started coming on?
• Another team with an inside slant to the playoffs is the…bbbb…brrrrr…Broncos (I almost couldn’t type it). I have watched this team as closely as anyone (did you sit on a grassy knoll in the July heat? Right, didn’t think so) and I am as surprised as anyone. The defense has been porous since the pre-season and they still haven’t found a running back (though they apparently drafted the best running back from the Arkansas Razorbacks this past year – nice job Mike) but they have won two consecutive road games when many didn’t expect them to win either game.
• While I wish I could talk about the Broncos over-performing, the fact is that they hold a 2 game lead because the Chargers, Raiders and Chiefs have absolutely abdicated the division. The Raiders and Chiefs have good excuses – they are just pathetic. The Chargers on the other hand seem to be getting Norv-ier by the moment. Brought down by their poor hiring decision of two years ago, they are finally playing down to the level of their coach. So, shockingly, the Broncos hold a strong lead in the Division with six games to play.

And with that, the verdict is returned.

As an added bonus, we have used two cities to tie all of our games together. Why? I don’t know. Mostly because not every city has a school named after it and an NFL team at the same time. None of which I really feel strongly about.

Turner is unable to join us this week. Why? I don’t know. Mostly because he doesn’t like you anymore. Don’t worry, it’s not you. It’s him.

College

Cincinnati @ Louisville

SD: A game played last night and won by the BearCats 28-20. Though I am sure you already know that, as any real football fan would have watched every snap. Ok, that’s a lie. The Big East is so bad, it makes the ACC look like the Big 12 South. It is real hard to get passionate about any of these Big East teams, yet thanks to their location and randomness, they keep appearing here in the THH. I think I will cheer on Louisville in this one (or, I would have cheered them on). Even though both of these teams are pretty much irrelevant in college football now, at least Louisville has some history. From Tom Jackson to Brian Brohm to Dave Rogaine beating my Noles in a hurricane causing Mike Tirico to almost lost control of his bowels on national television (in FSU’s defense – it was during the Rix Era), Louisville has always floated on the periphery of college football. Cincinnati, though they have come on in the last few years, are based in the state of Ohio and I think we all know that little good has come out of that state in college football lately.

Buffalo @ Akron

SD: Possibly the most random match-up ever in THH. I frantly know nothing about these schools. Akron has the nickname of Zips. Buffalo is…umm…the Buffaloes? No actually they are the Bulls – eerily similar to the local pro team. Ripping off the beloved local NFL team versus the Zips? A Bull mascot versus a kangaroo? No contest. Zip on my friends, zip on.

NFL

Bengals @ Eagles

SD: A second visit with our friends from the river city of Cincinnati. While I cheered against them thanks to their dearth of college football history, I am going for the Bengals here. This is strictly about the city. I have said it many times, that Philly is least favorite east-coast city. Their whiny, miserable fans winning a World Series isn’t going to help them in my eyes. Cincy on the other hand, is a pretty cool city, right on the river, even if their idea of chili is pretty nasty. It is easy to pity their apathetic fans as well with the long history of disappointment. So, just to make the Philly fans go whine into their cheesesteaks, give me the Bengals.

Browns @ Bills

SD: The battle of Lake Erie! Talk about a grudge match. Which team gets to claim the championship of a dirty, cold, polluted lake? I am going with the Bills. I picked against the local scholar-athletes but I can’t cheer against the Bills. What’s not to like about the Bills and the city of Buffalo? They got Trent Edwards living with his sister, making home cooked meals each week. They have Marshawn Lynch and his fantabulous grill. They have a bunch of insane fans who when buried under 70 inches of snow have nothing better to so with their lives than live and die for the Bills. They invented buffalo wings. Buffalo was even the location of a bad Christina Applegate sitcom a few years ago – which, for some reason, I watched pretty regularly. Oh yeah, because it had Christina Applegate. I am like P.M. Dawn that way. So, in honor of Miss Applegate, I will cheer on the Bills.

It was a given that the NFC East is the most dominant division in football. While that may still be the case, the league keeps cannibalizing itself, to the point that it looks like only one team could make the playoffs. Can you imagine telling someone around week #4 or #5 that the Cowboys, Redskins and Eagles may be sitting home for the playoffs?

As the NFC East was faltering, the Steelers were beginning to position themselves as the team to beat in the AFC (for everyone that still wasn’t convinced about the Titans). The undercurrent to all the pro-Steeler talk is the dreadful offensive line play that has led to Big Ben getting creamed and Willie Parker being injured for much of the season. Yet they have still won games against the Ravens, Jags and Skins and remain the favorite now that the traditional AFC powers are looking human again. 

After that Monday night loss to the Titans, the Colts were left for dead. Even by real experts. Yet, now the Colts have beaten the Patriots and Steelers back-to-back, despite not having much of a running game or the Colts passing game we have grown to know and love over the last decade. Instead they use the goldilocks principle (just enough defense, just enough offense) to propel themselves right back to the discussion of the team that will inevitably upset the Titans in the second round of the playoffs.

In the AFC West, the Chargers, despite all evidence to the contrary continued to be referred to as one of the elite teams in the AFC for the first several weeks of the season. Now, with a 4-5 record coming off losses to the Bills and Saints and a close victory at home to the battling Chiefs, is there any other conclusion but to realize that this is a mediocre team with a tired running back, an overrated defense and a very Norv Turner-ish head coach? If the Chargers do end up making the playoffs through a complete implosion by the Broncos (in progress), they should send Herm Edwards a fruit basket or something in thanks for going for that two point conversion instead of kicking the extra point and sending the game to overtime.

Although, in the uber-conservative NFL, congrats to Herm for going for two. If Romeo Crennel had been the Chiefs coach, he would have kicked a field goal rather than go for the tying touchdown on the last play of the game.

The storyline in the AFC East since the 9^th minute of the season (or minute #1 AT – After Tom) has been about how Brett Favre has resurrected the Jets. The mass media’s obsession with both New York and Brett Favre makes this the perfect storm of stories to be beat to death. Just try watching NFL Countdown some Sunday morning, there is about 114% probability that one of the first 5 stories will be about Favre. 

The key to the Jets winning games appears to be turnovers (shocker I know). In their three losses this season, the Jets have 8 turnovers (with another 6 coming in too-close wins against the dreadful Chiefs and Bengals). Brett Favre accounted for 6 of the turnovers in those 3 losses. When you have the most-interception-y quarterback in NFL history and rely on not turning the ball over, you would think you might want to focus on running the ball rather than letting him fling it all over the field. Just a thought.

Finally, we look at the Big Ten of the NFL – the NFC West. I tuned into Monday night’s riveting Forty-Niner/Cardinal contest to see how the Cards would handle their division leading position on national TV at home. Well, what can I say? They won. Sure, Singletary and/or Martz had more to do with that than anyone on the Cardinals sideline but they did win.

With the clock running at the 3 yard line, needed to spike the ball. Naturally they had to send in a complete line-up change first though.

Wait…What?

It took them 20 seconds to spike the ball – really. When they finally run a real play they run the ball and apparently they were playing 2 hand touch, as Gore stumbling to the ground two steps after being patted on the back by a Cardinal lineman ended the play when he had open end zone before him. By the time they re-set the ball the 49ers spiked the ball again with 2 seconds to play.

With one last play from the two yard line, you might think they would use their mobile quarterback to get out of the pocket with some sort of run/pass option.

Uh no.

Mike Martz, getting all mavericky ran the ball square into the middle of the line…again…with a former college quarterback…and former NFL wide receiver.

So to re-cap, the 49ers, ran two plays in 45 seconds (with two spikes) and they were both runs right into the heart of the defense.

If that is the sort of coaching that the 49ers are looking for from their replacement for Mike Nolan, then I have the perfect candidate for them. He even lives in the bay area so they can save on moving expenses.

Art Shell awaits your call Forty-Niners.

On to comments and observations from the weekend that was. Let’s start with the student-athletes and come back tomorrow with the guys that get paid to play football (I will make an exception for the Gators and talk about them today – ZING!):

• How can I start with anything but a hearty congratulations to the Hawkeye state. A thankful nation appreciates what you did for the BCS title game by beating the Nittany Lions on Saturday. Not only did you ensure that a Big Ten team would not be-foul the BCS title game but you saved us from a month and a half of glowing tributes to JoePa.
• Due to a self-imposed college football exile for the afternoon (see below), I did not get to see much of the PSU/Iowa game but did I really need to see anything but the highlights? Does anyone need to see anything beyond that train wreck in Columbus a couple weeks ago to know that Penn State had just feasted on a steady diet of cup cakes and lopsided home victories? Outside of OSU (which didn’t impress anyone), what other good wins do they actually have? An early season blowout of Oregon State at home? That makes them about as good as Stanford.
• The other afternoon game I missed was Bama at LSU. Little Nicky Satan’s homecoming. Yes, it was an emotional game but for those of you that think Bama is clearly the best team in the country, I have to note that they won this game in overtime against a team which had “the worst quarterback in college football”. This quote provided by my dad who did watch the game. My dad, a man who never criticizes any athletes and who can always find good things to say about just about anyone. Heck, he even said nice things about Sarah Palin! So, if you are keeping score at home: Sarah Palin = “ok”, LSU’s quarterbacks = “worst in NCAA”. And they went to overtime with the #1 team in the country?

o      Can I preemptively complain about Gary Danielson’s endless fawning over Tim Tebow in the SEC Title game 4 weeks from now? I think we all know how bad it is going to be, with a suspect Bama defense, UF’s offense rolling and Gary doing last minute lobbying to get the subject of at least three tattoos located in unmentionable areas another Heisman. I am already cringing.

o      By the way, I love football as much as anyone but seriously? Shooting someone because your team lost? At least Sooner and Longhorn fans limit themselves to castration. My favorite line in the article: “The investigator also said alcohol may have been a factor.” Gee, you think?

§         I am now going to spend the rest of the day coming up with different puns Horatio from CSI: Miami would use to describe the crime while wiping off his sunglasses.

§         “Looks like…[takes off glasses]…that he used the shotgun formation and lost”

§         “The clock…[takes off glasses]… just ran out on him.

• The reason I missed all of these games, was due to karmic forces asking me to not watch the Noles. Sounds a little ridiculous I know, but let me explain.

o      I watched Clemson’s opening drive – they marched down the field like the Nole defense wasn’t even on the field and scored to lead 7-0.

o      I immediately went for a run.

o      When I returned the Noles were ahead 13-10, so the writing was on the wall but I figured I would give them another shot.

o      I watched the next Clemson drive and when the Nole defense stopped them at mid-field I felt pretty good that maybe I wasn’t the jinx.

o      Clemson punted and Tony Carter waved for the fair catch around the Nole 10-yard line, and immediately muffed the catch, allowing Clemson to recover.

o      I turned off the TV, texted my friend Greg and asked him to provide running highlights (lest you think me alone in my insanity, he hadn’t wanted me to even turn the game back on when I returned. I think ‘take the hint jinx-boy’ was texted at some point).

• The rest of the afternoon was spent raking and burning leaves, spending a lovely fall afternoon in the city, getting my yard clean and enjoying the pure primal pleasures of tending a fire outside. Communing with my fore-fathers and getting in touch with the primal beast that lurks deep within each of us, who sometimes gets lost in this hectic, modern world…ok, I was basically doing anything to avoid being near a television.
• I did return to watch the Texas Tech / Oklahoma State game that evening though. I have now watched Tech play three times and come away more and more impressed every time. Their offense is ridiculously good. The variety with which they can attack, is astounding.
• It was beaten into the ground by Brent and Kirk on Saturday night, but this is truly no-longer a gimmick offense like June Jones and his boys out on the islands ran last year to hoodwink the Sugar Bowl committee. This team has an actual running game and a solid offensive line that can dictate a game to a defense.
• So with the victories (and losses, once again, thanks Iowa) on Saturday, the BCS title game picture is looking pretty straightforward. Barring a couple upsets, the winner of the SEC title game will play the winner of the Big 12 title game for the National title. If anyone stumbles than USC is waiting in the wings.

o      As an early holiday gift for you, here is a (rather unlikely) scenario that makes everyone happy (everyone but Gary Danielson of course):

§         Oklahoma beats Texas Tech

§         FSU beats UF (WOO HOO!)

§         UF beats Bama in SEC title game

§         OU beats Mizzou in Big 12 title game

§         USC wins out and we are back to an Oklahoma versus USC title game. Just like some of us predicted.

• Speaking of those predictions, can we officially declare the SEC/Big 12 grudge match done? I call it with a technical knock-out for the Big 12. It isn’t the teams at the top this year, as I think those are pretty equal, it is the depth of the Big 12 that makes the vaunted SEC look downright ACC-ish. With Tennessee imploding (how ‘bout them Pokes?), LSU’s offense an embarrassment, Auburn all reputation, Arkansas losing McFadden and Jones, South Carolina perennially underachieving and Georgia….well, playing like Georgia does every year, the SEC is not what its most ardent supporters continue to believe. Look at the Big 12 South alone – 4 teams in the top 15. Two different teams have or will play 3 consecutive games against top ten teams. While it may not happen every year, I think there is no doubt that the SEC is not the best conference in the land this year.
• The problem every year with SEC teams is their reluctance to play marquee match-ups outside of their conference. Yes, we will have a few traditional rivalries to end the season (GT/UGA, Clemson/USC, FSU/UF) but how can we really know whether they are any good if they don’t play anyone but each other? Georgia was pre-season #1 and their best win was against a mediocre Pac-10 team (Arizona State) with two blowout losses in conference to Bama and UF (which also happen to be each of those teams best victories). Bama jumped to number one mostly on the strength of dominating Clemson and Georgia, which in hindsight is about as impressive as East Carolina’s early season wins over Virginia Tech and West Virginia. Read: not really impressive.

o      So, Gary when you make you case for giving Tim another Heisman (yet again), please do not try to add in how he has done it against the toughest competition in the country.

o      On a final note, Gary can keep his Tim Tebow underwear, I am much prouder to be associated with Florida State because I know what a real super-man looks like on the field. Congratulations and good luck Myron.

This week in a final homage to Tuesday night’s results we have decided to break our games into two divisions. For both college and pros we will be pairing up teams that represent states each won by a candidate.

So two McCain states will square off and two Obama states square off. Why not have Obama vs. McCain? Isn’t it obvious? Do you really want to read ‘I like this state because they chose Obama, I don’t like this state, they actually thought Palin being a 72-year old cancer-survivor heart-beat from the Presidency is a good idea’ over and over and over again? I thought not.

Unfortunately after Turner’s neighbors learned of his political leanings in last week’s THH he was kidnapped and held in an undisclosed location (but he got to meet Dick Cheney!). Let’s hope the President-Elect can negotiate his release.

On to the games.

College

New Mexico @ UNLV (Obama Division)

SD: Thanks to being located in sin city, UNLV has been a regular visitor the Hierarchy of Hate. If memory serves, New Mexico was also recently featured here. So, in this special election THH, which ‘rocky mountain state’ do I side with? I am going with El Lobos for two reasons. The first is that, in combination with Colorado (woo hoo!), New Mexico threw up a solid roadblock to the red infestation that spread all the way from Georgia to Oklahoma on the election day maps.

[NOTE: While much is being made about the progress this election demonstrates for this country as a whole, take another look at the electoral map. Is it just me or is that still frighteningly close to the division during the Civil War? Congratulations to Virginia and North Carolina from finally seceding from the confederacy after 140 years.]

The second reason to cheer on the Lobos is that the state of Nevada and elections hold special memories for me. Unfortunately for UNLV those memories aren’t good and don’t involve Las Vegas. You see Turner and I both spent Election Day 2004 in
Elko, Nevada. Needless to say, that wasn’t the best day in memory. I broke into cold sweats as I read on Election Day morning this year that Elko would be a key city to determining which way the entire state (and possibly the election) would turn. Bad memories, man, bad memories. Go Lobos.

Kansas @ Nebraska (McCain Division)

SD: As Turner spent election night in the Cornhusker state, I am sure he has some special insight into how the local population reacted to Obama’s victory. At the time, he mentioned that the whole ‘history-making presidential election’ thing took a back seat to a much bigger concern: does the local drinking water need added fluoride? From an outsider’s perspective, I would say yes. It has to be hard to eat corn-on-the-cob with your teeth falling out. As for their brethren to the south, well I think a book has already summed it up pretty well. As the Amazon review says:

According to Frank, the conservative establishment has tricked Kansans, playing up the emotional touchstones of conservatism and perpetuating a sense of a vast liberal empire out to crush traditional values while barely ever discussing the Republicans’ actual economic policies and what they mean to the working class. Thus the pro-life Kansas factory worker who listens to Rush Limbaugh will repeatedly vote for the party that is less likely to protect his safety, less likely to protect his job, and less likely to benefit him economically.

So, while the Huskers are more concerned about the risk of cavities, at least they aren’t the poster-children for an entire segment of population that blindly agree with whatever intolerant, close-minded, things someone like Rush Limbaugh tells them to think. Go Huskers.

NFL

Colts @ Steelers (Obama Division)

SD: Welcome Colts fans to blue state status! As a newcomer myself (every state I have ever lived in turned blue for the first time in recent memory in this election) I wish I could give you some kind of initiation but I guess we will get paddled together. The Steelers, in contrast are old hands at this liberal, latte-drinking, vegan, intellectual, elitist world in which we now all find ourselves living. Maybe they can give us some tips. I will check out the crowd at Heinz field to see how those world famous East Coast liberal intellectuals really dress and act and adjust my outfits and mannerisms accordingly. Colts fans, I suggest you do the same. In a blatant attempt to avoid the worst hazing on initiation to this new liberal fraternity, I will cheer on the Steelers here. Pinot Noir for everyone!

Saints @ Falcons (McCain Division)

SD: Amazingly, this was the only NFL game with two teams from states that went for McCain/Palin. How bad was it for the McCain/Palin ticket on Tuesday night? Here is what I sent to Turner when I told him the games we were picking:

Do you realize how many NFL teams are located in states won by McCain?

8! – 25% of the entire league was won by McCain!

I am a little sad to realize that Louisiana of all places was one of them. Was Katrina not enough of a hint about the leadership we need in Washington?

Despite, the comment above, I am still rooting for the Saints in this one. Why? Two words: Saxby Chambliss. For those of you blissfully unaware of this world-class bastard, he is a Senator from Geoergia who will be going into a run-off after not garnering enough votes Tuesday to keep his job. Why do I loathe this man? Well, there are plenty of reasons, but the biggest reasons are both personal and political. In 2002, he defeated Max Cleland for his Senate seat. Max is a triple-amputee who lost his limbs in Vietnam by jumping on a grenade to save his comrades. Chambliss (whose bad knee kept him from serving in the military), ran TV ads comparing Max to both Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein and in the post 9/11 hysteria of 2002 won the seat.

[Full disclosure: Mrs. SD spent a year and a half working for Sen. Cleland on his re-election campaign, which is what makes this personal. Besides being a solid Senator liked across the aisle – John McCain was a close friend – Max is also a kind and decent man and deserved better than to be smeared by the likes of a brainless sheep like Saxby]

Since, joining the Senate, he has done nothing other than blindly follow whatever his party bosses and political backers tell him to do (though he did make Esquire’s Ten-Worst legislators list, so he has that going for him). The best thing I can say about him is that his name sounds like a third-rate chicken restaurant. Until, Georgians vote this world-class a-hole out of office, I am going to hold a grudge against them. Go Saints.

[NOTE: While the above may sound bitter and vengeful, know that I am not alone. Anyone else read Patton Oswalt’s blog on election night? Here was Patton’s take on Sen. Chambliss: “Please baby Jesus, make Saxby Chambliss lose in Georgia. Also, it’d be nice if he could wander onto some train tracks and get T-boned by a commuter express.” And that was from a guy who makes children’s movies.]

[NOTE: While it may appear that the following is simply a cheap attempt at finding an excuse to discuss (gloat about) the presidential election on a football site, there really is a tie-in. Just go with me for a moment.]

As I watched the throngs cheer in Grant Park last night while Turner and I instant messaged each other from hotel rooms in Seattle and Omaha, of all things I was reminded of January 25, 1998. The night that the Broncos won Super Bowl XXXII.

For that Super Bowl, I had invited friends over to help me produce enough empty beer bottles to bottle the output from my new home brew kit I had been given at Christmas. What better excuse for a party than my beloved Broncos playing some young up-and-comer named Brett Favre and his cheeseheads from Wisconsin?

As the game wound down, I cheered on my boys as they kept the game close and even scored a touchdown to take the lead with a few minutes to play. Having never even considered that the Broncos could win the game (see: Super Bowls XXI, XXII, XXIV), I remember all of a sudden realizing that the Packers had a fourth down near mid-field that would be the game of they failed.

As John Mobley knocked down Favre’s pass, the thought suddenly hit me for the first time in the entire game – the Broncos were going to win the Super Bowl.

Obviously I had been focused on the Broncos winning, but I had been so blinded by the details of winning a game (first downs, touchdowns, etc.), it never really clicked that this wasn’t A game – it was THE game – the Super Bowl. Only as John Elway and Shannon Sharpe came jumping and running on to the field, did it sink in what it really meant. The Broncos were World Champions.

Tuesday night was eerily similar. While I had been focused (obsessed) on the election contest for months, I had been focused on just that – the contest. I desperately wanted America to validate my choice, to see the greatness that I saw. Almost like my team being highly ranked in the polls. In short, I wanted my pick to win.

Only after the west coast polls closed and those interminable 43 seconds lapsed (approximate) before Obama was declared the winner did I actually pause. Obama hadn’t just won some contest. He was just chosen as the next President. His victory didn’t just mean a nice speech (‘This one’s for Toot’ replacing ‘This One’s for John’) and a lot of cheering and hugging by his supporters. It meant that this great man will be moving into the house Dubya has infected for the last eight years and begin to try to make things right.

Unlike the Broncos, his work is just beginning.

Sitting at my laptop I was struck absolutely dumb. A strange wave came over me – some combination of joy, optimism, relief…and yes, even hope. In fact, you could probably look through Turner’s AIM history and find some incredibly stupid, obvious and corny comment from the exact moment at which the realization really hit me.

There was no coming up with some sarcastic, cynical comment. It might have been the first truly earnest moment I have had since about age 17.

So, on this remarkable occasion I would just like to congratulate President-Elect Obama on his victory and wish him the greatest success in the next four years. I know you have a huge mountain to climb but, it seems that if any man is capable of climbing it, it is you.

Just know that all of us - and I really mean all -  are here to work for and support you.

No matter what you are thinking about or doing, no matter how happy you are, there is this little grey cloud following over your head like in all of those cartoons?

After a weekend in which my personal football teams performance could best be described as ‘apocalyptic’ that is where I am this morning. Let’s review (shortly, because this is painful):

• FSU lost to Georgia Teach by 3 after reaching the GT three yard line with 45 seconds left in the game when Marcus Sims fumbled the ball.
• The Broncos lost at home to the Chad Pennington led Dolphins and mustered a grand total of 7 yards rushing
• My fantasy team lost because I benched Thomas Jones (22 points!) for Joseph Addai (6 points).

Needless to say, the prospect of looking back and reviewing this weekend’s games isn’t too appealing to me at this moment.

Anyway, being the professional that I am (insert your own joke here), I will go ahead:

• I really don’t want to talk about the FSU/GT game so let me just say a couple things and then move on:

o        If you are tracking the most painful losses of my FSU supporting career, an initial top-nine off the top of my head would probably look something like (painful being some undefined combination of importance and manner in which they lost):

1.      1993 Notre Dame

2.      2000 Miami

3.      2001 OU (Orange Bowl / BCS Title game)

4.      1991 Miami (Wide Right #1)

5.      1997 UF (Sugar Bowl – National Title game)

6.      1995 UVA

7.      1999 Tennessee (Fiesta Bowl / BCS Title game)

8.      1997 UF

9.      2008 GT

o        Despite how they lost, FSU didn’t really deserve to win that game. The FSU defense has always (and when I say always – I mean ‘for decades’) struggled with mobile quarterbacks. A team of fast, aggressive defenders, they always tend to over-pursue and seem to lack the discipline necessary to shut down a triple-option attack (except when they used to dominate Nebraska every year in a bowl game in the late 80’s/early 90’s). The only reason that FSU was even in the position to rip the hearts out of all their fans was that GT’s starting quarterback Josh Nesbitt, twisted an ankle and left the game in the 3^rd quarter.

o      As for ‘the play that won’t be named’, I just don’t understand why it happened at all. Why was Marcus Sims (he of 19 carries all season) given the ball over Jermaine Thomas or Antone Smith? If Thomas was too tired to carry and Smith too banged up to carry twice, why not keep the ball in Christian Ponder’s hands? My favorite goal line play is a quarterback naked bootleg – putting the QB on the edge with a run/pass option. If you don’t want to put the ball in the air, how about our own option which had been used successfully earlier?

o      Last comment - I need to move on before I try to open the door and jump out of the plane and get beat down by my fellow passengers. Despite the pain of this game, in essence it did very little to impact FSU’s season. Even if they had finished the season with one-loss they aren’t in the BCS title mix. With 2 losses they still have a good shot at playing in the ACC title game (they need to win out and have Wake lose one more game – a team that got taken to overtime by Duke on Saturday). Kind of like a paper-cut, this game was very painful but in no way fatal.

• Speaking of fatal losses, for probably the first time ever I can commiserate with the Longhorns. What a brutal painful loss. Another game in which they didn’t really deserve to win yet had the chance in the final minute. It would be tougher to say who is more likely to never recover from their blunder Marcus Sims or Longhorn freshman safety Blake Gideon who dropped a gimme interception that would’ve clinched the win.
• I would also like to thank the Longhorns and Georgia Bulldogs who ensured that the FSU loss would barely be a footnote in the national media. I remember the days when an FSU loss was the lead story in any sports broadcast and it was pure misery. It’s nice that a loss barely registers – much easier to begin the healing.
• I haven’t read this anywhere so I hope I can claim first mover status by officially declaring that we all should begin preparing for a Penn State / Florida BCS title game. I don’t want to see it, you don’t want to see it but much like another High School Musical, we all know it is coming.
• Speaking of the Gators, it is clear from the phrases used by a few of you to find this site, that I am not the only one to notice ridiculous man-crush Gary Danielson has for Tim Tebow. For those of you that are interested, the comments that raised this site to the top of your search results are here and here (though my personal favorite line is a one-liner located here).
• Moving on to the NFL before I start throwing things, we have the Broncos.
• I know it is everyone’s favorite story line about how the Broncos have faded since their strong start. What we are all forgetting is that the Broncos are one botched call by a ref and a missed field goal from starting the season 1-3 rather than 3-1.
• You aren’t going to win many (ok, any) games when you account for 14 total rushing yards. Seriously has that ever happened in the NFL? That is one decent run. The last time I saw stats like that was an early season UF non-conference game.

o        While the stat in itself is shocking, the broader issue is how it changes how the Broncos are defensed. When you don’t have to worry about running, it is much easier for the defensive line to rush the quarterback (<cough> 3 sacks <cough>) and drop extra players into the secondary (<cough> 3 interceptions <cough>).

• As for the much-maligned Bronco defense, they actually didn’t play all that bad. Put in bad situations with 3 interceptions, they held the Dolphin offense to one touchdown (the other TD came on a pick-six). The Wildcat offense was so ineffective, that the Dolphins shelved it before the end of the first quarter. The biggest negative was that the defense couldn’t stop the Dolphins when they needed late. Pennington’s relentless dink-and-dunk offense allowed the Phins to burn clock with the running game being stuffed.

o      I am just glad that I didn’t make another bet with my friend Doug (huge Dolphins fan) like the last time these two teams played when, after the Broncos lost, I was supposed to wear a pair of Dolphins Zubaz out for a night out on the town (bet still not paid up).

• The other game we got in Denver was the Titans / Packer match up. Despite being an early jumper of the Titan bandwagon (if for completely wrong reasons), I am not really sold on these Titans. Can their defense-first, conservative time-control offense win throughout the playoffs? Normally I would say no, but this seems to be one of those changing of the guard years, as past dominant franchises begin to fade (Colts) and their younger counterparts haven’t matured quite yet (Bills). Have you seen any team in the AFC that you think the Titans would really struggle with? I haven’t.

o      What do we really know about the Packers (other than they made the absolute correct decision in choosing Aaron Rodgers)? Nothing about them has shown them to be anything but a mediocre NFC team yet they took the Titans to OT?

• In the NFC, the big match-up was the Giants / Cowboys. I didn’t get to see it but I think the stats pretty much say it all. The Cowboys had 183 yards of offense and 4 turnovers. Does any team win with that many yards and turnovers? Who knew how badly the Boys would miss Tony Romo (though they did lose 2 of their last 3 with Tony under center). The saddest part of all of this is that the Cowboys may lose so many games before Tony gets back that we won’t even get to enjoy Tony’s inevitable first round playoff flame-out.
• Also in the NFC, don’t look now but the Arizona Cardinals appear to be a lock to win their division. Sure, it is more due to abdication by every other team but still, the Cardinals? Winning a division? Might be time to start stocking the cellar with bottled water and Vienna Sausages.

While I am mopey and whiny about the performance of my football teams (and I didn’t even get into my fantasy team - oy), I am trying to look on the bright side. As I said, the Noles are still in a good position to play for the ACC title and the Broncos may still have a chance at the division given how bad all of the other teams in the AFC West are playing.

There is also one much brighter side just around the corner.

If god really is an accountant and I needed to suffer all of those losses over the weekend to ensure a win in a much, much more important contest to be decided on Tuesday then I guess I am happy to do my part.

As they say:

It is always darkest before the dawn and hopefully a new day is about to dawn.

It is also the final pre-election THH, so we have a special treat at the bottom for all of you undecided voters out there. 

We are once again joined by our friend Turner who after stealing most of little Jacob’s candy last night keeps referring to himself as ‘Cornholio’. Thankfully he was able to submit his picks before he wandered off into the sunset with his t-shirt pulled over his head.

NOTE: If you are outside the ages of 25 to 40 you probably don’t understand the above joke. If you don’t, take it as a compliment.

All – I’m sorry for the super abbreviated submission this week but it has been a very rough week in the land of Turner.  I was forced to dress up for Halloween as Jay Cutler which means I had to grow my hair out, find my dirty fraternity baseball hat (bar hat of course) and make no eye contact as I mumbled trick or treat.  Also I didn’t come home with any candy because it got intercepted on the way home.

College

Louisville @ Syracuse

SD: My initial reaction to this game was to note how marquee this would be in college basketball yet in football it is not even an after-thought (that would indicate any thought applied to it at all). You could’ve expected a lot of cheap jokes about Louisville needing to get the ball to Pervis Ellison while Syracuse would counter with the inside-outside game of Ronnie Seikaly and Carmelo Anthony. Yet on second thought, there is another interesting twist to this game. How often do you find a college named after a city? This battle (word used very loosely) features two of them! A bonus is that neither of them ever added the non-sensical ‘State’ after their names (I am looking at you Memphis (a.k.a. Memphis State)). So using their city names as the deciding factor, I am going with Louisville. The reason is that Louisville is a real city with or without the school (they even have horses, bourbon and big, ugly hats!) while I get the feeling that without the school (and CarrierDome) Syracuse would barely be a rest stop in western New York. Go Cardinals!

Turner: Battle of college basketball greats back in the 80’s and 90’s.  Pervis Ellison against Derrick Coleman – ok I really don’t care about either but Rick Pitino vs. Jimmy Boeheim – ok I don’t care about this either except for the fact that Pitino doesn’t deserve to ever win, he needs to take his expensive suits and just go away.  I equate Rick to Pete Carroll in football.  The prodigy college coach that tries the next level and fails.  Folks like Jimmy just stick to what they are great at and do it the right way.  I respect that so for that commitment to growth of college students through higher education, I go for the ‘Cuse.  Plus – that Giant Orange mascot just rocks

Texas @ Texas Tech

SD: A painful game to cheer if there ever was one. I picked this only because it is the biggest game of the weekend (outside the contest formerly known as the World’s Largest Cocktail party) and I thought it would be fun to see Turner squirm in his seat trying to come up with a team to cheer in this. As I have made abundantly clear here, I am not a huge fan of the entire state so it is hard even for me to come up with a reason to cheer on one of these teams. One of my central tenets has always to not let actual football concerns impact my cheering for or against a team, but in absence of any other reason here I am going with the Longhorns for one reason. I just don’t want a Big Ten team in the national title game. Right now Penn State looks like they will go undefeated and the only way they don’t get a trip to Miami in January is for both Bama and UT to stay undefeated the rest of the season. I don’t like it but those are the facts. Hook’em Horns.

Turner: SuperDave tries to get tricky and gives me a match-up of two teams that I really, really do hate.  Longhorns, enough said. Texas Tech – redneck, tortilla throwing losers from the hell-hole of earth which might be Lubbock TX. Lubbock fans might only be as obnoxious as those fans that don’t understand the game of football in Boulder.  I can’t believe I’m doing this but I actually think I might hate the Red Raiders more right now.  Mike Leach has the communication skillz of a gnat and the fact they find pain in destroying my SMU mustangs on an annual basis just irks me but ultimately Lubbock is on the top 3 cities in America that really has no purpose in this world so I’ll keep Austin and hope that this match-up never happens again.

NFL

Cardinals @ Rams

SD: In addition to our standard NFL THH this week we are back with the special extra game that is sweeping the country: What is the secret connection for each of these games? The answer, of course, is that each match-up pairs the former and current resident teams of a given team. We have the former St. Louis Cardinals versus the current St. Louis Rams. So which version of St. Louis do you like more? Are you old school or new school? Well, I tend toward old school (though not like all of those sportswriters who poured an opinion in concrete around 1978 and haven’t changed it since), let’s look at results. What did those old Cardinals ever accomplish? Maybe one playoff win in about 1984? These Rams were once the Greatest Show on Turf, and introduced to the freak show that is Mrs. Kurt Warner (whose husband is ironically now helming the Cardinals – the NFL is such a merry-go-round). So in honor of that Super Bowl in which Kevin Dyson came up one foot short thanks to Mike Jones, I will cheer for the Rams.

Turner:  I should go with St. Louis since they had their team ripped away and moved but since then, they stole the Rams and actually got a Superbowl out of it so there is no pity.  Arizona got a crappy football team and has done what?  Yes, only make it crappier and then they had to go steal Kurt Warner and Paris Toxic Slurry’s Leinert to be their QBs.  The Rams are on the rise! 

Ravens @ Browns

SD: Our second game is a match-up of teams that have at one time or another called Cleveland home. This one is easy. It is Halloween and one of our teams is named after one of Poe’s greatest stories? Come on – that makes it too easy. When forced as a youngster to read ‘American classics’ of literature, Poe was one of the few that I really, really enjoyed (Tell-Tale Heart? House of Usher? Brilliant!). As an adult spending way too much time in that post-lift-off, no electronics allowed purgatory I have even spent quality time with stories about the mysteries surrounding Poe’s death itself. So I shall cheer on the Ravens in this one, and hope that Romeo Crennel remains a head NFL coach…wait for it…nevermore.

Turner: One word – Crabcakes.  I can’t name one redeeming thing about Cleveland, period.

Bonus Pick

Obama vs. McCain

In celebration of finally being rid of the incessant, pathetic, pandering, political ads this coming Tuesday (living in a battleground state is a lot better in theory than practice), we decided to make our Hierarchy of Hate picks for the Presidential race. Anyone who has read this site in the last month has a pretty good idea of which way my hate will be swinging – let’s just say I prefer candidates that don’t pepper every speech with phrases like ‘you betcha’, ‘real America’ or ‘maverick’. I also think Joe the Plumber is a complete and total moron (who happens to not be named Joe, nor is a licensed plumber) who is apparently too slow to realize that his fifteen minutes have already come and gone. I may not make a prediction on who will win the election, but I will predict this: any company that publishes a Joe The Plumber book or music album at any point after election day, will immediately regret that decision more than Ron Burgundy did jumping into that bear pit. I am not naïve enough to believe that Obama can change the hyper-partisan atmosphere of politics these days (unless he can issue a Presidential order shuttering Fox News and Rush Limbaugh that is) but if he can make any impact at all, and allow the country to focus on the actual issue rather than partisan name-calling, it is a step in the right direction.

That’s right, an official endorsement for Barack by your friends here at profootballblogger.com!

If that doesn’t put him over the top, I don’t know what would.

Yes, we can!

Turner: there really isn’t anything nice I can say here except that I know for a fact that profootballbloggers.com officially endorses the Obama / Biden campaign.  While SuperDave and I often fight and disagree, we are united.  With this official endorsement, I believe that your vote should be swayed.  If you are on the fence, listen to our blog and get out there, change is needed.

Peace, Love and Happiness

o       My first game of the day was the Tea&Crumpet Bowl from Wimbley Stadium. Can we officially say that the Chargers defense were the single most over-rated unit on any team in the NFL this year? They gave up as many points to the Saints as the Broncos did!

o       Having been burned before, I have hesitated to declare the Chargers dunzo, as they seem to have the same life-expectancy as Jason Voorhies at this point but I think it has to be official at this point, right? They may make the playoffs thanks to being in a dreadful division, but are they really any threat to make it to the Super Bowl? Right?….Right?

o       By the way, I may have been a year early, but I would like to thank Norv Turner and Wade Phillips for making me look like an NFL Nostradamus. Thanks fellas, I knew you could do it!

o       Did you hear this morning that Brett Favre was a little hurt by the boos hurtled at him by the Jets fans yesterday in his 2 touchdown, 3 interception performance? Poor Brett, apparently Jets fans didn’t get the memo from the national media, that Favre’s record-setting penchant for throwing interceptions makes him that much more adorable (sort of like a baby destroying a diaper).

o       The other possibility is that Jets, so wrapped up in their ‘nothing matters outside of New York’ mind-set didn’t realize that this was a vintage Brett performance not an aberration.

o       On a serious note, Michael Smith made a great point Monday morning (I was watching on my layover in SFO on the way to Seattle…don’t ask). Michael pointed out that over the last couple year the Jets built themselves into a running team. They brought in Thomas Jones a year ago, and this year Alan Faneca and Damien Woody to block for him. They have one of the highest averages per carry this year. Yet now with #4 under center they are one of the lowest in number of rushing attempts per game. The coaches have seemingly fallen into the Cult-of-Favre as soon as they signed him and have allowed him to throw too much, while ignoring their strong running game.

[NOTE: If there was a cult of Favre, their version of the Heaven’s Gate blue jogging suit would have to include Wrangler jeans, cheese-heads, three day old stubble, pink #4 jerseys for the ladies, cans of Bud and vials of Vicodin, right? I believe our old friend Jules may currently be running for Treasurer of the cult so we can confirm with her]

o       In the spirit of full disclosure, I am a Thomas Jones fantasy owner, so the above was not the completely objective, non-partisan analysis that I am known for.

o       In the other big game of the day, the Giants went into Pittsburgh and pulled out an unlikely win. With the Cowboys off the rails, the Redskins and Eagles struggling against mediocre teams we were all one week away from the requisite ‘what has happened to the NFC East’ stories if the Giants lost. I guess we can now instead look forward to another week of the media blindly declaring the NFC East the best conference in football (regardless of any actual evidence on the field).

o       If they were as interested in full disclosure as I am what they should be saying is: ‘The NFC East is the best conference in football (to talk about all day in order to drive up our ratings)’.

o       It was an impressive (and unlikely) victory. Pretty much the NFL equivalent of the PSU/OSU game as the Giants were able to win gaining 282 yards and scoring a single touchdown. Pittsburgh’s turnoveritis and inability to block (for reference see: Faneca, Alan; signing in offseason by Jets), was their ultimate undoing. As were the injury-having tendencies of Willie Parker and Josh Howard-emulating tendencies of Santonio Holmes. Hard to beat solid teams with your two best offensive weapons both on the sideline.

o       Important Monday Night Football game in the AFC South. Sure, some important stuff happened on the field but without a doubt the biggest news of the night is that Indy has a guy named Pierre Garcon on their team! How does that play in America’s heartland?

o       No wonder Obama thinks Indiana is in play for Democrats this year.

o       Were the Titan cheerleaders wearing Little Bo Peep outfits? Wow. May need to start watching more Titan games because that was….just a little naughty and a little awesome.

o       I am not one of those guys that believes that only former players should be TV analysts (hey, I even liked Dennis Miller) and I like PTI but Tony Kornheiser drive me nuts. He does a fine job until he finds the storyline he thinks a game aligns to and he drills into the ground…again…and again…and again (tonight it was the fact that the Titans needed to win as a sort of passing of the guard in the AFC South or coming of age – a football bar mitzvah if you will). Tony, we get it. You don’t have to repeat the same thing over and over again. Just stop. If you have nothing else to say, then let Jaws talk. He has plenty to say. 

o       As for the actual game, while the Titans played pretty well, it is hard to tell whether they played great or the Colts gave the game away. Slight over-throws, dropped passes, tipped ball interceptions, missed tackles. Regardless of how good the Titans end up being I think the Colts all we really learned tonight was the same thing we learned yesterday in London. Sometimes, when you think it is a team’s time, you find that time has just passed them by.

o       With the Broncos on a bye, the most important (critical, personally-satisfying, stressful, heart-attack-inducing - pick your adjective) game of the weekend was Virginia Tech’s visit to Tallahassee to take on the Noles. With both Wake Forest and Boston College losing Saturday morning, the game allowed FSU to potentially move into sole first place (they wouldn’t because Maryland would win as well).

o       Let’s dispense with the compliments first:

o        I really like seeing the Noles show heart again, probably the aspect of their game that has been most missing the last few years. Falling behind again, they were able to wipe out a 10 point deficit before halftime (though they ultimately went into half down 13-10).

o        One of the key changes this year has been the ability of the offense to change how they attack based on what the defense gives them. In the past, they have been so one-dimensional (<cough> Sooners <cough>) that if a defense successfully takes that dimension away, they are done. This year, they have a running game and when VT took that away, they threw two long balls to Greg Carr – a play we haven’t seen all year (even more improbably – Carr caught them both!)

o       Now, enough of that positive stuff. I would like to officially announce that Beamer-Ball is the most over-rated college football cliché in use today – adjust your programs accordingly. Look back to VT’s first game of the season, a loss to East Carolina thanks to a blocked punt. Against FSU they roughed the punter, in what might have been the most critical play of the entire game and then with 1:53 to play and down by ten points, Beamer decided to punt. Wait…huh? Even if they don’t get the first, does it really matter? FSU just takes a knee at a different spot on the field. That was the most obvious give-up play, not involving Romeo Crennel, I have ever seen. Apparently Beamer Ball actually means, calling a game with cajones roughly the same size as your castrated turkey mascot.

o       By the way, VT has a left tackle that was abused all day by Everette Brown named Wang. Just throwing that out there, do with it what you will. Think of it as some sort of DYI joke for Beavis and Butthead and/or early ‘80’s computer fans.

o       For the record, no balls got near him all day. Fitting for a team with a castrated turkey as a mascot.

[NOTE: I know what you are thinking so let me re-assure you (I looked it up) it is a confirmed fact: that joke never gets old]

o        Thanks to dedicating myself to the Noles, I didn’t see much of the UT / Okie State game (if Turner would like to comment on how his two hated rivals played, feel free to post a comment) but I did unfortunately catch the OSU / PSU game that evening. At least I think I did – I might have just slipped into a coma for a few hours, as it would be hard to tell the difference. o       What can you say about a game that was 3-3 at the half? How about: If Anthony Bourdain was watching that first half, he would call it ‘punterific’.

[NOTE: Yes, I know I recycled that joke (and most of you didn’t even get it the first time, so take my word for it, that joke is gold, Jerry) but this game is so dull you are lucky my brain simply didn’t turn to mush at some point]

o       PSU and OSU were sucking my will to live to the point that I almost turned away from college football to watch baseball.

o       I said almost.

o       I did turn away on occasion to the Bama / Tennessee game. I know there will be much debate as to how Penn State stacks up against Bama but I think that is missing the real question. Flipping back and forth in real time I wonder if Penn State can even hang with Tennessee?

o       I know Big Ten apologists will say that Penn State’s lack-luster (anemic, pathetic, mind-numbing, soul-crushing) offense was due to the superior OSU defense. To that I say one thing: USC.

o       Speaking of Tennessee does anyone know what the McCain campaign has against Robert Ayers, a senior defensive lineman from Tennessee? Ayers seems like all his campaign talks about these days – I wonder why? I don’t think an occasional holding penalty would be a campaign issue, but what do I know.

o       If forced at gun point to say something nice about the Big Ten, let me say this. I really like Terrelle Pryor. He is going to be a phenomenal player. That fumble was an unfortunate mistake but he is really fun to watch. Every time I watch him scramble I feel like I am watching Vince Young again, with that long un-hurried (yet deceptively quick) gate and that feeling he is already thinking about his next move 5 yards downfield at all times.

o       Of course, playing in the Big Ten, he may be running about a 4.9 forty and it would be hard to tell. Well, I almost ended on a positive note.